


Until it's not

by Teakany



Series: Bittersweet. [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Domestic Violence, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:01:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3746806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teakany/pseuds/Teakany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "everything is okay"  we're taken to 2 years post wedding and Things have changed not for the better. What will Matt do? Can Gil save him from the torment?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> if the warnings don't explain that there is a lot of violence in this, I hope this will. enjoy!

CRASH! Matt heard the bang of the front door from the kitchen. He sighed. Alfred obviously had another bad day at the office. He put the pot he had been about to wash in the soapy water and walked timidly into the hall. Alfred had developed somewhat of a temper recently. His boss had been extra hard on them thanks to the recession and Al had been bringing his stress home. Things were so different these days.. Matt tugged his sleeves down to cover the green and yellow bruises that were just starting to fade before he peeked into the mud room "Alfred?".  
His husbands face would give a hint of what his night was going to be. If he just looked tired, it was fine. Matt could pacify him relatively easily. If, however he was mad? Whole different story. Als eyes flashed up. Yup, definitely mad.  
"What?" he said curtly.  
"I was just making sure it was you sweetie"  
Alfred huffed, kicked off his shoes and brushed past his husband, the smell of liquor hitting Matts nose. The taller blonde headed to the fridge "who the fuck else would it be?" He asked, clearly irritated. He grabbed a beer and opened it tossing it back before closing the fridge door.  
Matt chuckled tensely "Yeah i guess you're right... Dinners in the oven it should be done in about 10 minutes."  
Al merely nodded grabbing a glass and his scotch on the way to the living room. violet eyes fell to the floor. Definitely a bad night.

~~~~~

A couple hours after dinner Alfred had gone from bad to worse. He was cursing and slurring, spilling his drinks on the couch. Matthew just sat and listened nervously nodding and agreeing when it was appropriate. He excused himself to grab a glass of water when he heard a shatter followed by a string of cursing. He grabbed a tea towel and rushed out. Alfred sat holding his hand, it was covered in blood. Matthew hurried to his side and carefully examined the damage. It was mostly small cuts thankfully. He didn't argue as Matt cleaned up his hand with the cloth, pulling fragments of glass out. After a moment of sitting next to him, in fact the blue eyed man leaned over nipping at the others neck. His good hand trailing down his back. Matts cheeks flared red and he pulled away.  
"No Alfred," he said gently but firmly" Not tonight.. " he was way too rough when he was drunk...  
A moment later he wished he had just caved. Al yanked his still bleeding hand away and was standing. His eyes were full of rage. Matt stood slowly In case he needed a get away.  
"What the fuck is the point of you?! 'Not tonight, not tonight' You never wanna fuckin' do anything anymore! ". Matt tried to reach for his arm and Al yanked back.  
"Al... I just... I can't when you're drunk... " the comment wasn't met with screaming, so he looked pleadingly. "I love you Al, I just wish you could maybe.. cut back on the drinking.. You're not yourself-"Al cut him off shouting, "Oh and you're so fucking perfect?! Maybe i wouldn't drink so god damned much if you just stopped fucking nagging me and gave it up for once, you goddamned prude!" Tears sprung to Matt's eyes "I don't even know what the hell I'm with you for." just block it out Mattie " You're lucky to fucking have me! No one else would want such a naggy little bitch!" he's just drunk Mattie... He's in there I promise... He's your Al when he's sober... He's just sick..  
"P-please al- please stop s-screaming... You're scaring me..." The tears were flowing now. Al lunged and took Mathews arm roughly with his still bleeding hand And yanked him closer. a small yelp left the smaller mans lips.  
"Maybe I'd stop screaming if you'd shut the fuck up!"  
Matt was sobbing now, "Please Al! Let go" he begged.  
Alfred made a disgusted noise and flung Matt back, and straight into the wall. he heard a crack and everything started to fade to black...

~~~~~

2009  
Matt was at work at la rose café français . His parents had paid his tuition, but he needed to work so he could clothe and feed himself. He had jumped at the chance to work at the little place. It felt warm and homey. His best friend and roommate Gil had got him the job. a guy Gil had known in high schools family owned the place. It was a little french cafe.  
"Day dreaming about a certain bomber jacket Matthieu? " the owners son, Francis, teased.  
Matt jumped and flushed red. "I-I don't know what you mean..."  
Francis chuckled and walked away. the shy man did know of course. He'd been drooling over the owner of said jacket for weeks now. taller than himself, built nicely, blonde, amazingly blue eyes and a dreamy smile. to top it all off, he was a football player and a business major. But there's no way he'd even look twice at Matthew! he probably wasn't even gay. and even if he was, Matt was pretty much invisible to most people...  
10 minuets later the bell tinkled happily signaling a customer. Matt stood up and smiled before really looking up and coming face to face with bomber jacket... His face went from joy to confusion as the man had stalked directly to him ignoring Francis welcome... He stopped right in front of Matts counter with a determined look in his eyes. He reached over the counter grabbing Matts arm. oh shit! was he going to get punched?! He was too shocked to react as the man pulled him forward catching his face in the other hand and kissed him square on the mouth. Matts heart skipped in his chest. Was he dreaming?! he could hear Francis wolf whistle. The man pulled back slightly smiling  
"I've wanted to do that all week. My Names Alfred Jones, Please get dinner with me?"  
Matt was too shocked to speak for a second. But he nodded then muttered "o-okay...".

~~~~

2014  
Matts head ached. it was swimming with images of blue eyes, bomber jackets and pastries. His eyes fluttered open to see the same large blue eyes in front of his face. Only they were full of tears and covered by stands of hair. He was confused.. Why were the pretty blue eyes crying. He reached out a hand to brush away the strands in his face. Then, through the fog, he started to remember. He withdrew his hand. His eyes screwing up in realization and pain.  
Alfred started sobbing Loudly, grasping Matts hand. "I'm so sorry Mattie! Please believe me! I didn't mean- I don't know why- why i did it. Please don't leave me! I love you! I can't lose you baby please!"  
Matt took a second. He had been moved to the couch. Al was kneeling beside him on the floor. He was a wreck. His fear melted. replaced by the kindness Matt gave much too freely he swallowed. "Shhhh Al... It's okay... I'm okay..."  
Alfred threw his arms around him sobbing against his shoulder and apologizing into his shirt. Half an hour later Al had slunk to the floor and fallen asleep hiccoughing with a mix of drunkenness and crying. Matt closed his eyes and drifted off.

~~~~

2011  
The walk to the car was quiet and awkward. Matts nerves were jumbled. Surprising himself even, the shorter man stopped in his tracks his face glowed red. Al stopped and looked back "Whatcha doin' mattie-"  
"If your going to break up with me, can you just get it over with!" He practically yelled. Then remembering himself he stuttered" I-i don't want to w-walk home cr-crying. Its pathetic. "  
Tears welled in his violet eyes. He didn't even notice Al coming closer until he felt the arms around him. "Mattie! What the heck gave you that idea?! " he chucked a bit "We've been through this before baby, I love you I-" he pulled Matt back looking into his eyes suddenly nervous again. He sighed. "I wanted this to go a little differently... "  
Al kissed Matt's forehead then stepped back and reached into his pocket pulling out a box. Matt's eyes eyes grew wide and even more red crept up to his hair line. Al got down on one knee. A pink blush crossing tanned cheeks. His eyes burning with hope. "Mattie, I'm so lucky to have you. Even if you don't see how amazing you truly are, I know you are. I know we fight sometimes but I think that's normal and well... I want to be able to wake up next to you, watch you blush, wipe away your tears, be your hero, forever. so Mattie, will you marry me?" he flicked open a box that held two golden rings.  
Matts mind raced a billion things to say all at once flew around. But all that came out, was a squeak and a frantic nod.  
Al swept him up into his arms and they both laughed . he put Matt back down and nuzzled his neck "I'll love you forever Mattie. I'm the luckiest guy in the world".  
"I'm pretty sure that's me Al" he replied, voice thick with happy tears.

~~~~

2014  
The next few weeks were peaceful. Al even brought Matt flowers. So many he ran out of places to put them. He was trying so hard to make up for his actions. He had woken up the morning after to clanking of bottles. He had found Al throwing all the liquor in a garbage bag.  
"I don't ever want to do that again Mattie." the tall blonde had said when he saw Matt standing in the doorway. "You deserve so much better and I swear I'm going to be better for you Mattie! No matter what!".  
At the time it was such a sweet gesture. This fight seemed to have affected him so much more than the others! Matt had hugged him from behind before Al turned and returned the embrace kissing Matts head. "I love you Mattie... So much."  
the pale face buried in Al's chest so he wouldn't see the reluctant look when he replied "I love you too Al".  
Sadly all good things come to an end...

~~~~

It had been 3 weeks and 2 days since the last incident. It was the longest they had gone without fighting in the past year! Matt had started to relax. Al hadn't brought home any liquor.. Maybe he was really done this time. Matt didn't even think twice when the front door shut a little harder that day. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. He was chatting on the phone with Gilbert. Catching up. Gil had moved a town over a few months back, he had been spent the past year in Germany with his grandfather. Matt still hadn't come to visit and Gil was whining "Come on Matt! Its me! The awesome Gilbert! You gotta come see me next weekend!"  
Matt was giggling when Al walked into the kitchen looking irritably at Him. "I'll see what i can do okay Gilly? No promises but i will try and come down next weekend. "  
Matts eyes went up to Al who was standing in front of him looking rather upset. "Well i gotta go Gil. I'll call you later!". He hung up the phone and looked up. "Whats wrong Al?"  
Al looked around the kitchen pointedly. "Where's dinner?"  
Matt blushed. "Oh... i got side tracked i'm sorry" he got up and walked swiftly to the freezer. " Gil called. We haven't talked in a while so we did some catching up. What do you feel like? I could make something or we could just order in."  
"Oh yeah" started Al in a tone that made Matts blood run cold "We'll just order in... Ya know with the money i go work for so you can sit here on your ass all day chatting with your precious little Albino whore. Making plans to go fuck him while i sit and write reports like a good little bitch right?!"  
Its true Al was the bread winner... Matt had been laid off only 8 months after they moved here and Al had suggested he just stay home for a while. He had chuckled and scruffled Matts head saying "You could be my cute little house husband Mattie" and winked with those big blue eyes making Matt melt...  
Matt spun around "Al! You know its not like that! Gils just a friend! I would never..."  
It was strange that those same melting blue eyes were now almost a blaze with temper. "Bullshit." Matt walked towards the table. Putting a chair between them. "Bullshit!" He repeated, this time yelling it. "You think you're so much better than me don't you?! You always have!"  
He pushed the chair. Matt flinched as it crashed Against the tiles with enough force to crack it. "Please calm down Al. I love YOU only you. You know that.. "  
Matt backed up but this only caused Al to close in. Matt hit the kitchens island counter. Al was on him in seconds. He grabbed Matt's wrists. "Don't you fucking tell me what i know!" Al screamed  
Matt could smell the whiskey on his breath. It sent a cold shock through him. Oh why hadn't he paid attention? If he had just looked at Al properly... He would have known he would have been more careful... "Al, please baby... You said... " Matt trailed off. Als eyes told him anything he said would make it worse.  
"Don't fucking lie to me Matt!" He pulled him forward slamming him into the counter again. Matts painful cries had no effect. "You're fucking him aren't you?!"  
"No, please, I'm not, I wouldn't" Matts voice shook with pain and fear. It got worse.  
"You're mine! I don't fucking like it when other people touch my stuff Mattie" he snarled. Matt cringed at his pet name. Als hands moved up to Matts throat and tightened. "No one but me gets to fuck my god damned husband. Do you understand bitch?!"  
Matt froze. He could still breathe. It was okay. It was going to be okay. He closed his eyes and the hands squeezed tighter "I said do you fucking understand!?" Als just sick... He just needs help..  
Matt couldn't breath. He tried to answer, but only strangled noises escaped past Als hands. A hand pulled off Matts throat and struck him in the side of his face. It's okay... Just another black eye... Just a scarf.. Its fall... He'd say his eye was from hockey. It hit again, the side of his head. He felt dizzy, between his limited oxygen intake and the blows... Al suddenly threw him to the ground. His head bounced off the title with a sickening thunk. Everything was hazy... Something hit his stomach and ribs hard. The pain spread but Matt was too dizzy to react much. He just curled in on himself sobbing.  
A large weight was on him and he was rolled onto his back. " Your mine forever Mattie. No one else. " The sharp words hit his ears. "If i can't have you, then i guess forever is over for you."  
"Pl-please..." Matthew's world went black.

~~~~~

2013  
Al was late coming home again. At first Matt had just brushed it off. But this was happening more often than not these days. If Matt asked him where he'd been he'd either avoided the question or got defensive. Tonight he wasn't going to put up with this. Sitting at the table with cold dinner he waited. He heard the car pull up and his heart sped up. Al walked into the kitchen "Hey Mattie baby. Did you have a good day?"  
violet eyes glared daggers " Where have you been?"  
Instantly Al was instantly defensive" What?! I can't go hang with my work friends? I thought you were my husband not my warden."  
But He was not falling for this again. " No Al. You're not turning this on me again! Your shift ended 3 hours ago! Where were you? I made dinner. You promised me!" Matt stood up and walked over to Al and smelled his shirt. Alcohol and perfume. "Are you screwing around Alfred?"  
This was where it went straight to hell. Al had started yelling. Cursing. Matt had yelled back. Not scared of his temper yet. At least, not until Al had started throwing things. Breaking them on the walls, the floor... eventually Matthew's face. He told everyone he had fallen down the steps carrying a box of stuff From the attic. The excuses never got much better... But then... People eventually stopped asking...

~~~~

2014  
Matt stayed curled up on the kitchen floor for hours after. Drifting in and out of consciousness. everywhere hurt. Even swallowing and breathing hurt. Of course he hadn't tried to get up yet, so who knows what pain awaited him... He could hear a show blaring in the other room. Matt looked at the table for his phone... It wasn't on the there.. Al probably took it. He was contemplating getting up when the tv shut off... Matt painfully dragged himself to beside the island. Hidden. Al got up and he heard footsteps up the stairs. What time was it? how long had he- 10:39? Al had come home at 6:30... 4 hours... Al hadn't even... Tears sprung to his eyes at the realization of how bad it had gotten... He silently picked himself up after he heard the bedroom door click. Pain shot through him with every movement. His wrists were swelling and bruises started to blossom. His head pounded... Matt gingerly turned around and stood at the island. He held on while the world spun. Then he promptly broken down. Silent sobbing. What happened?! How did his life become this?! Where was the brilliant, sweet man he fell in love with? What did Matt do? This was his fault.. If he had gotten another job. If he had been more understanding... If he hadn't forgotten dinner, if he stopped turning Al down for sex maybe this wouldn't have happened! He stayed like that for another hour. Tears soaking his bruised arms as he buried his head there. He knew what he had to do...  
It was 12:30am by the time Matt had quietly crept through the house gathering Necessary things. He had to stop a lot. Letting the world stop swimming. Clothing, medicine... He even located his phone on the floor. The screen was crack, Al must have thrown it, but it still worked. He slid his wedding ring off and looked at it... It slid safely into the pocket of his bag. he just wasn't ready to get rid of it yet... Despite everything... Despite the fact that Al didn't seem to care if Matt was okay... his heart still clung to his Al .  
Matt grabbed the keys to his truck . He opened the front door, jumping as it squeaked. He then closed it behind him with a dry click. He tossed his bag on the passenger seat. Matt hoped Al was sleeping deeply. He waited to make sure his head was level, that everything wasn't about to spin wildly. turning the key nervously the truck roared to life. It felt like an engine was right in between Matts ears. If Al caught him what would happen? He didn't want to go there.. So he threw it into drive and took off down the road.  
Matt wasn't sure where he was headed... But he knew he didn't want to stay in the city... That's when he remembered... Gil.. what was that address... He pulled over and looked at his texts. 34 maple way. He typed it into the gps. The voice telling him wear to go was the only break in silence, and it was loud... When he had stopped for the 5th time in a half hour he laid on the seat crying. The lights were too bright, the truck was too loud. Nothing would stop moving! Matts hand was on his phone. He sobbed as the light from it hit. He dialed and put it up to his ear. Ring... Ring... Ring... "Gil?"

~~~~

Gil swore under his breath the whole ride. Where the hell was his truck?! This is so not awesome... Was he drunk? No.. That wasn't like matt! Matt was a fucking saint. Sure he drank, he could drink Gil under the table! But he was the guy wearing everyone's keys in the morning. Something was seriously wrong. Why was he calling Gil? What about Alfred? "Fucking hell!" He yelled to no one.  
Okay... Matt had said the highway. Between the small town and the city... How close to the city. He was only 15 minutes out now!... What was that? A truck! Gil drove past and pulled a u-turn on the nearly deserted highway. He pulled up behind the truck and flew out of his car. It was too dark to see in the truck cab. He yanked the door handle and the car door flew open turning on the interior light Matt was laying on the seat, he was covered in bruises that were just starting to form. His eye was swollen and he had blood in his hair and ear... " Holy fuck Matt! are you okay?! " No movement. " Matt! Wake up and answer me!"


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gil to the rescue, will he be Matt's new hero?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a doctor, so if I'm not completely accurate i apologize! I did some reading on a bit of it but still. I appreciate any comments! thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy :)  
> Violence. swearing.

He was unconscious, fuck fuck fuck! "Okay Matt" Gil climbed in and shook Matts shoulder "Matt, you gotta be awesome for me and wake up okay!" Tears stung Gils eyes and his breath hitched.  
Matt groaned. "Al?"  
"No Matt, it's me Gil. I'm awesomely here to save your ass, but you gotta help me okay? You gotta stay awake okay?" Gil grabbed the small pen light on his belt. He pulled Matts eyelids up and flashed the light one at a time. No response. It would take the damn ambulance forever... "Okay Matt. give me two seconds." Gil flew back to his car. He grabbed his cell and slammed the door locking it with a push of a button. Shifting Matts legs over on the seat he climbed into the drivers. "For fucks sake Matt.. what happened" He muttered to himself flipping his blue tooth on.  
Gil pulled out onto the highway flying toward the city. His pressed speed dial two. "Nurses station Cindy speaking"  
"Cindy, it's Gilbert Belschmit. I'm headed towards you guys with a 24 year old male, probable concussion, possible internal injuries. He's barely responsive. I have no fucking clue how long he's been out. No vomiting i can see yet. Pupils non-responsive, ETA 10 minutes. " Without a goodbye he clicked his Bluetooth off. "Matt, hey Matt. Can you tell me what happened?  
"A-Al..."  
"No buddy it's Gil, Al's not here. Do you remember anything" Where the fuck was Al?  
"I'm sorry Al.." he slurred "I'm okay.. It's okay... You d-d-didn't mean it... It's okay...I... I love you soomuc-" It clicked.  
Gil reach over touching Matty shaking him gently. "Stay with me buddy okay? You gotta keep talking to me. Do you know your birthday? "  
Matt screwed up his face. He was so tired.. why was Al asking him these questions... He was tired... But that... Was that Als voice? Did it get different? No... "It's... uhm.. July 4th" He was even more confused.. "No... That's not right... "  
the voice was reassuring but urgent "Try again Matt, you got this, You're too awesome to forget it right?"  
Matt knew the voice... That word.. He knew that word. It made him remember happy red eyes. Red and white... Red and white... His birthday.. "July 1st?"  
"You got it!" the voice hurt a bit. He groaned. His stomach flipped and rose to his mouth. A hand was on him as everything jolted. Suddenly, sounds, lights, people, he groaned and tears started flowing he was so confused. Then suddenly in front of his face. Red eyes. He smiled  
"Hi Gil" and it all went white.

~~~

Gil sat at Matts bedside all night to guard him. He argued when the doctors tried to toss him out. Eventually, he won out. He was, after all, a nurse at the hospital in his town. another pair of eyes to watch Matt... And ya know.. His grandfather ran this damn hospital... He watched him while he slept, he did the wake up checks himself. The doctors said it was a bad concussion couple with physical and emotional exhaustion and trauma, but the test showed no bleeding in the brain. He had bad bruising on his face and head, his one eye was practically swollen shut and his lip was split on the same side. When they took off the neck brace bile had risen in Gils throat. He could see the bruises from fingers. He had a few cracked and bruised ribs and one of his wrists was sprained. He would heal, thought it was going to take a while.  
Gil did have to leave the room at one point. The doctor had mentioned that it may take some extra healing time because he was still healing from previous injuries... How long had that... How did Gil not notice? Sure he hadn't been living in the same country.. But he should have picked up something in Matts voice... He punched the wall wishing it was that douche bags face... It was his fault Matt was in this mess. He never should have trusted that jock prick... He should have won Matt over himself. He breathed and collected himself walking back into the room. Sears swelled in his eyes. Oh Matt...

~~~

Matt was released the next day into Gils care. He had to keep an eye out for any symptoms worsening. The ride back to Gils place was quiet. Neither of them really knew what to say. Matt had muttered a horse "Thanks for coming Gil... Sorry.."  
Gil had shot him a look and cut him off "Matt, if you try and apologize for getting help, I'm going to check you right back into that hospital. Only this time, you'll be in the pysc ward."  
They got to Gils and Gil helped carried Matts bag in. Making sure he was sat down and comfortable, Gil went to go make some dinner. Matt had left his phone in his bag in the truck and it was beeping. He picked it up and looked at the screen. 35 missed calls and 46 texts... He sat and scrolled through the texts. Al, Al, Al... All from Al. They started off apologetic, then moved to angry over time, ending with a few desperate pleading ones. The phone buzzed as another one arrived "Matt I'm so sorry! Please just call me!". Tears welled up. Matt pushed a few buttons and held his ear to the phone...  
Coming back out to check on Matt ,Gil found him on the phone sobbing. Flames may as well have shot out of his eyes "Give me the fucking phone Matt." He grabbed it and went to yell into it... Then he realized, voice messages. He heaved a sigh of relief And hung up. "Matt, you can not fucking call him Okay? It's so not awesome! You took that damned psychology class in second year right? You know how this works. He'll beg, you'll fucking cave, because you're forgiving to a god damned fault, and everything will be peachy for a week or maybe even two! Until one goddamned day, it's not. How bad would it be the next fucking time Matt? Do you have to be in intensive care for you to get it?"  
Matt had started sobbing into his hands. Breaking for the first time since he came to himself. He had been so silent in the hospital. It was shock of course... But now that mental self defense was falling. "I k-know... I-i... I just miss MY Alfred... I don't understand what the fuck happened Gil..."  
Gil was at a loss for words... His heart ached, his temper flared... He sighed and sat next to his friend silently. Gil didn't keep track of the time, but it took Matt a good while of sitting there sobbing to be able to breath normally and calm down.  
Matt he sniffled "Can I use your shower?"  
Gil gave a weak smile thankful the sobbing was done for the moment. "Of course Matt. Whats mine is yours. Up stairs second door on the right" he regarded him seriously " But you need to be careful. you can't fall again alright? Leave the door open and call if you need me. I'll be down here"  
Matt picked himself up and nodded, wincing at the head and neck ache. "Kay Gil."

~~~

Stepping out of the shower Matt cringed at the pain stabbing on his side. He wondered how bad he looked... Wiping the fog from the full length mirror on the door he grimaced.. A large black and purple blotch covered his side where his ribs had cracked. Another on his hip where he had hit the floor. His back had a long one from being slammed into the counter... Then he checked his neck closely silently thankful it was fall... He was going to need a scarf or a turtleneck. But nothing could hide his face. The whole one side was different shades of bruising right up into his blonde hair. The swelling in his eye had gone down slightly with icing and anti inflammatory pills in the hospital. He had a split lip too, no wonder he hurt so much.  
Matt grabbed his bag with a sigh. He was lucky enough he had just folded laundry before Al got home. He'd grabbed a bunch. He rooted around for things. First he found Underwear and sweat pants he pulled them on. Next a shirt-... Als captain america shirt. His face went white... Remembering how he use to throw it on in the morning to make breakfast sometimes. Al being much taller meant he practically drowned in it, but it was comfy. Tears prickled his eyes.

~~~~

2012  
Matt was making pancakes. He had wanted to surprise Al with breakfast. As he flipped the current batch he heard Al come down the last few steps yawning. He smiled and glanced over his shoulder " good morning" he said brightly.  
Al smiled and walked towards his violet eyed husband. Slipping his arms around the smaller man. He buried his nose into Matts hair. "I thought i smelled something delicious. Oh and the pancakes smell great too!" Matt giggled at the corny joke.  
"Mattie.. Do you have any idea how much I love you? "  
Matt blushed and turned his head to kiss his new husband. "I think I may have a rough idea"

~~~

2014  
Matt forced tears back. He tossed the shirt back and pulled out a black Linkin Park shirt. Ignoring the pain of moving he yanked it on And left the bathroom. Gil had set up the guest room for Him. He looked at the clock. 6:35. He dropped his bag on the chair and sighing he walked back down slowly.  
Dinner was KD. Matts favourite comfort food. Gil was at the table, Matt sighed "Thanks for putting up with me Gil.. " as he sat down.  
"I'm not 'putting up' with you Matt. We're friends! You're awesome, I'm awesome... It works. You just made the house more awesome! Honestly stay as long as you like, I was thinking of getting a room mate anyway. "  
That earned a weak smile. Matt was exhausted... But he was also hungry. He shoved the mac and cheese into his face quickly. Gil tossed a bowl of maple walnut ice cream down in front of him when he was done. Gil wordlessly picked the dinner bowls up and started dishes  
"Gil leave those! I'll do them, you cooked."  
"Nawh, I'm already half done. Don't even worry about it Matt. You're suppose to be resting anyway, doctors orders."  
Matt sighed. Gil was right. He felt exhausted and heavy. He ate the ice cream that had been put in front of him. then excused himself to up to bed. he had never been this tired in his life...  
Gil watched as Matt trudged up the stairs. Bruises peaking up from under his strawberry hair. Once Matt was out of view Gilberts grip on the sponge tightened. He stared into the sink in silent rage. How could he let this happen? He had backed off and stopped fighting for Matt because he thought Al would take good care of him...If he had ever thought... How could he have not seen this? Gil was getting dangerously close to breaking something when he heard the voice outside.  
"Mattie! Mattie I know you're there! Please Mattie! Please just talk to me! I'm so fucking sorry Mattie! I have no idea why... I'm gonna get help this time! Please Mattie!"  
Oh hell no. Gil stormed to his front door where the desperate banging was coming from. He didn't even hesitate, he swung the door open and punched Alfred in the face knocking him on his ass. " Are you fucking stupid?! " he screamed. "You need to get the fuck out of here Jones before I kill you!"

Al stood and wiped the blood from his nose to no avail, it just kept pouring" No! I'm not leaving until i see Mattie! I need to explain!"  
He tried to charge past Gil but the albino was not having it. He shoved him. "Get. Off. My. Property. Jones"  
Al shoved back "I need to see mattie!"  
Gil hauled ass and flew at him knocking him to the ground on top of him. Gils hands grabbed Als collar lifting him and screamed "You don't deserve to breath the same fucking air you useless piece of shit! You could have fucking killed him!"he slammed Al into the ground adrenaline pumping. Gil drew his face closer to Als, his voice low and dangerous " I told you once, I would back off because he was happy with you.. He's not happy anymore Jones. More importantly, he's not safe with you." Gil drew a shaking breath. " Now if you don't get the fuck out of here before I get back in my house, I'll call the cops and tell them in great detail why you're not welcome here Jones. "  
With that, Gil stood and turned walking back to his house. He didn't look back as he went inside locking the door behind him.  
Matt heard Al outside.. No no no... He curled up on the floor beside the bed and put his hands over his ears. tears forming. Go away al... Go away... Then he heard Gils voice join in the yelling. He curled up tighter.. He couldn't move. Finally he heard the door shut. He took his hands off his ears in time to hear "I'm not giving up mattie!" as Al took off into the night.

~~~

Matt sobbed. Gil was in the room and beside him in no time. "Matt, he's gone okay? I'm here.." Gil tried to touch his shoulder, but Matt flinched. He didn't want anyone touching him.  
Gil sighed and took out his phone. Matt looked at him it was pressed against Gils ear as he looked up at the window from the floor. "Hey west? Yeah of course its your brother! Jeez... Look I need a squad car to make some rounds down here. Make sure a big blonde douche isn't hanging around my house."  
Gil got up and walked into the hallway continuing to explain to his brother. Matt was even more exhausted.. He merely leaned against the bed and closed his eyes.

~~~

Gil was going over the situation with his little brother "No I'm not being stalked again. Damnit west."  
He finally got off the phone and went to check on Matt. He had fallen asleep on the floor. Gil sighed and scooped him up placing him in the bed. looking down at his sleeping friend a smile spread on his face. He was so peaceful. Gil brushed Matts hair out of his face. It was creepy to sit and stare, but he hadn't seem him in so long...  
He had thought, after they graduated his feelings would disappear. But that didn't happen.. Maybe after the wedding, when Matt was someone elses completely? He stood as Matts best man and his heart shattered... But his feelings remained. finally a year and a half ago he decided to move. Distance would work right? If he didn't see Matt all the time, maybe he'd find someone else. Well he did find other guys... but that didn't last long. Just substitutes. Even that stopped when Francis pointed out off handily one day that they all looked like Matt.  
Gil sighed, and here he was again, he shouldn't... But he did... He leaned down and brushed a soft kiss on Matts forehead. Then standing back up, he put his hands in his pockets and went to his room.

~~~

"What?"  
Gil looked at the clock... 1am? Ugh... He just did Matts check 30 minutes ago... What woke him up? then he heard it. Matt whimpering. He was up and down the hall. He skidded in front of Matts door, having to grab the frame to stop from falling, and charged in. He sighed relieved, a nightmare. He walked over and keeled by the bed grabbing a pillow. He put the pillow in front of him face and shook Matt "Hey Matt wake up, just a dream"  
Smack! A fist hit the pillow. Yup. Still violently wakes from nightmares. "Who's there!"  
Matt sat up and gil smirked as he peaked around the pillow "Just me." he sat on the bed "You were having a nightmare man. You okay?"  
Matt sighed. "No, but go back to bed Gil, I'll be fine..."  
Gil stood up and rolled his eyes. He walked to the closet and grabbed a blanket. " Gonna move over or do i have to sleep on the chair?" Matt looked at him confused. "Well I'm not gonna fly down that damn hallway every time. This way you know the awesome me is here to protect you. Besides then I can do your checks without having to haul my ass up. "  
Matt cocked an eyebrow but moved a bit taking his blanket with him. Gil laid down and turned his back to matt. "Night Matt"  
"Night Gil... And thanks"

~~~

Matt woke in the morning. Ahhhh such a good sleep... So warm and... Matt turned instantly bright red. He was curled against Gils chest, and Gil was holding him there... He tried to pull away quietly, but the grip was too tight... He also noticed... Gil was only in boxers.. He had been so freaked out the night before he hadn't noticed. Matt thought he was going to pass out from all the blood rushing to his face. "Uhm... Gil?"  
"mmmm? " Gil snuggled closer then tensed. He quickly let go "Oh god! I'm sorry Matt!"  
Matt looked up, they were both bright red, then sat up. Gil looked at mat and put his hand over his face. Matt looked back and started laughing. LAUGHING! Gil looked startled, then confused. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled. It was just a break in tension. Everything had felt so strained. This was a new day,

~~~

Gil had gone to his own room to get dressed and leave Matt to change. Matt grabbed out a pair of Jeans, they were baggy and had worn out knees. The denim was soft from wear. He had had these since college.. His favorites. At least he had something. Except.. looking through his shirts... Als, Als, painting shirt, Als, the two dirty ones. Dammit! He tossed his bag down and kicked it.  
Matt walked down the hall and knocked on Gils door. the door opened , "Whats up Matt?" he had no shirt, the memory of how his chest felt came up unbidden.  
Matt blushed and looked irritated. This was stupid.. It was just a damn shirt... Not to mention Gil was around the same size as Al now so it wouldn't even matter "Never mind, I changed my mind it's nothing."  
Matt went back to the room and pulled on the too big captain america shirt. He was going to need to go shopping..

~~~

Gil had gotten dressed for another day off. He had called work and informed them he was having a family crisis.  
Gil was in the kitchen with his customary muffin when Matt walked in, he raised his eyebrows... And something else that was thankfully hidden under the table... It was like Matt walked straight out of college again. The baggy worn clothing, kind of messy hair, glasses half falling off his nose. "Hey aren't you going to be late for English lit?" Gil teased.  
Matt gave an unimpressed look. "I accidentally packed the wrong shirts... " He blushed "I was going to ask to borrow one.. But your about the same size as these.. So It felt kinda.. Stupid."  
Gil nodded "Well we'll go shopping then. You'll have my awesome fashion sense to guide you! How lucky are you?!"  
Gil had told Matt to leave his wallet at home, this trip was on his inheritance. He was fully aware Matt hadn't worked for a little over a year. So obviously he had nothing and he really didn't want Matt worrying about that yet. Matts only condition was it had to be at wal-mart. He tried to play it off like he was only worried about money... But Gil got it. A mall? Like 8 different entrances, super crowded? Doesn't sound overly comforting.

~~~~~

After the first few things Matt picked up Gil stepped in. He picked out some awesome pieces! Cameo pants, black button up shirts, ripped jeans and a plaid button down shirt.. Everything that would look drool worthy on the small blonde... He had been wearing mostly polo shirts and plain button down dress shirts the past couple years. A few old t-shirts thrown in. Along with those they tossed in the obvious socks, underwear (Oooh he's wearing boxers now?), Some sweat pants. Over to personal hygiene and grabbed the necessities.  
Matt didn't even want to hear the total. Gil had steered him away from every sale. At least it looked like Gil enjoyed himself and he was thankful. He'd never have to wear these shirts again. He was wondering weather to burn them when he was interrupted in thought.  
"Gilbert! Mon ami!"  
Gil spun around "Francis? Franny! What are you doing in here?" He thought for a minute. "And in a Wal-mart?!"  
Francis glared at the comment " I'm visiting my dear friend Arthur and he shops here... That's him.. With the eyebrows"  
Gil looked. Wow.. Those were some eyebrows... The short ashen blonde man was picking out apples. "Wasn't he a professor?"  
Francis smirked and shrugged. Gil rolled his eyes.  
"And what are you doing in one of these stores Gil? Little off your radar no?"  
"Oh well me and Mattie here-" Gil gestured behind him looking... Wait.. Where was he... He spun around searching. Fuck.


	3. 3

Gil was about to crash into full panic mode when his phone rang. The song playing was "Canadian Please" . Gil turned his back to the french man. He flipped it open and put it to his ear "Matt?!"  
"Gil... I'm okay. I'm just in the bathroom... But uhm.." Matts voice wavered.  
Gil sighed in relief . then gently as he could while he heart slowed down to a normal pace "Spit it out Matt."  
"Gil, I don't want people I know to see me like this" he heard the blondes voice shake.  
"Understood!" Gil hung up the phone and turned to Francis and the eyebrows with a man attached that was now beside him.  
"Like i was saying, me and Mattie hear they have some decent stuff so we were both going to check it out and report back!" Lame.. Lame... So lame..  
Gil let out an extra loud forced laugh.  
"Uhhh.. Okay..." said Francis with a look of concern for Gils mental health.  
"Well! I should be going! See ya Franny!"  
Gil darted to the till hearing eyebrows comment "Is there something... Not quiet right with him? In the head I mean?"  
"Arthur... For once, I think we completely agree..."

~~~

Sitting in the car was uncomfortable. "Look... Gil... I'm sorry. "  
Gil rolled his eyes pulled out of the parking lot. "Matt it's fine. Seriously, you apologize to much"  
Matt smirked lightly "Sorry"  
Gil shook his head and rolled his ruby eyes again. "So, Why would it have bothered you? Francis is your friend still right? I thought you guys still go for coffee sometimes."  
Matt bit his lip and cringed. The split hurt. He brought his knees to his chest, putting his feet on the seat.  
"Not very often these days.. I... I don't like people seeing me when I have.. Bruises.. They always look at me with that look of pity and I hate it."  
Matt looked out the window thought and took a breath.  
"Actually.. I think I might prefer the pity over the silence. After a while.. No one asks what happened anymore. It makes me feel invisible again." he muttered  
Matt was suddenly irritated. He clenched his hands, burying his face in his knees. He wanted to hit something. scream, cry and lose it... He was so weak, he couldn't do anything right. His marriage was falling apart, he had no job, exactly two friends and now one of them could see how pathetic he was. His nails dug into his palms but he was snapped out of it by Gils quiet voice  
"I don't pity you. I admire you for leaving, even though I wish you had sooner... I think Francis would feel the same Matt."  
Matt looked at Gil without turning his head. His anger diminished. letting out a shaky sigh he nodded. They pulled into the driveway and parked.  
"And Matt"  
Gils hand caught Matts chin and turned his face. Matt looked into the crimson eyes with mild surprise. .  
"You've never been invisible to me."  
Gil gave him a weak smile. It was almost... Sad... Why? He was about to ask when Gil released his chin and got out of the car. Matt was frozen in the seat. His heart was beating faster...

~~~

Gil went upstairs a week later. He grabbed pillows from his bed and created a barrier in the middle of the queen sized mattress. Then he walked over to Matt's room. Matt was in the bathroom getting ready for gathered a blanket and the pillows from the bed and carted them down the hall to his room.  
Matt had taken a nap on the couch when they got home from the wal-mart and Gil had a bloody nose from it. He had been whimpering in his sleep. Muttering Als name. Gil had watched sadly. Then Matt had started screaming. It was like he was being murdered. Gil panicked and raced to him shaking him awake. He had either forgotten or not cared that Matt didn't take well to being woken so hastily.  
Matt had apologized so much the word "Sorry" didn't even sound like a word anymore. He had gotten him a cloth for his nose and sat looking guilty and horrified. Gil had laughed at his own stupidity. "guess I should get a goalie mask!"  
The nights that week went a lot like the first night. Matt would have a nightmare, Gil would climb into bed, no more nightmares.  
Well.. Gils bed was bigger... So if Matt was going to be screaming in the middle of the night... He'd prefer to have him there. The pillow barrier in the smaller bed was uncomfortable. Matt had shoved one in between them the last few night and Gil felt like he was falling off the damn bed, they still managed to wake up tangled together.  
"Gil! where's my bedding!" Matt called from his room  
"In here!"  
Matt appeared at the door his eyebrow raised "Okay.. But why is it in here. "  
"Because my bed is bigger and I'm less likely to fall off" he stated matter-of-factly.  
Gil was in his PJ pants as he climbed into bed. "Just come get in your side and go to sleep." he muttered closing his eyes.  
Matt blushed. This still felt weird... But... A few weeks down the line he had to admit, the nightmares never came back when Gil was with him. He wouldn't see Als face. When he was in Gils bed next to him he had.. Pleasant dreams. He blushed remembering last nights.  
In his dream, They were in a bright sunny field, Gil had wrapped his arms around Matt. he placed a kiss on Matts forehead and Warm red eyes looked into his own violet ones "you've never been invisible to me Matt.".  
They hadn't seen Al at all since the night Gils fist had connected with Als face. Gils little brother had an over protective streak so, even though he denied it was his doing at all, Matt had noticed more squad cars driving around. You would think that would relax Gil, but he would still call on his work breaks to check on Matt. He felt bad for making Gil so worried.  
Matts hand traced his throat. the bruises had all turned green and were starting to fade away into nothing. his lip had healed over completely, but there might be a scar there. he sighed.  
Matt rolled over in the bed and glanced at Gil. He was fast asleep, the blanket half off and his chest exposed. Matt eyed the useless pillow barrier between them irritated. It hadn't been working very well... In his sleep Matt always managed to curl up in the tall albinos arms. Every morning they split apart quickly and didn't talk for the next ten minutes.  
Matt watched Gil breathing. The moon light poured through the window. It made Gils white hair and skin glow. He sighed in his sleep and Matt smiled a small smile. He didn't know when this had started, but lately he enjoyed Watching Gil sleep. He looked so peaceful. Quiet. Not worried and stressed. Matt was about to close his eyes and go to sleep when he heard Gil groan as his eyebrows furrowed. Matts eyes momentarily held concern, Then a quiet but clear word escaped his lips. At first Matt thought he was awake, but checking no, he was asleep...  
"Matt"  
The man smiled in his sleep and Matts heart skipped a beat. A blush burned across Matts face. Before he could think about it too much, hesitating only slightly, Matt reached for the pillows that separated them. He carefully moved them behind him and shuffled over to Gil. Matts head went to Gils chest using it as a pillow. He tucked his hands in front of him pressed to Gil side. Matt jumped just slightly when Gils sleepy arms wrapped around him. His eyes shot up to make sure he was still sleeping. He was. Matt relaxed and closed his eyes letting Gils heartbeat lull him to sleep.

~~~~

Gil woke the next morning, Matt had still managed to wind up in his arms. He looked down to make sure the smaller man was still asleep. Out like a light. A small smile played on the blondes face. Gil froze as he snuggled closer letting out a pleasant hum. Only relaxing when Matt went still again. Gil just laid on the bed enjoying the feeling of warmth. He knew it was wrong, to steal these moments... but Gil had been selfish. every morning had gone this way. Matt sleeping, Gil pretending. A feeling of guilt washed over him. Matt trusted him and after all he went through... But... Just another minute. Just let him pretend if only for a minute. If he moved Matt would wake up anyway.  
Gils mind wandered back in time. Thinking of how he had let that douche face have Matt. He shouldn't have backed off.. A sigh escaped him. Would he be in this position a little more happily if he had of pushed? If he had told Matt of his feelings earlier... Would Matt have avoided all that pain and heartache? It didn't matter. It was what it was.  
Matt let out a groan and Gil quickly closed his eyes. He made sure his breathing was steady and deep, worried about getting caught. He felt Matts face turn up towards him on his chest. He wasn't pulling away yet? Maybe he had gone back to sleep... Before Gil could open his eyes to check, he felt Matt shift, but not away. A careful hand was brushing white hair away from Gils face. A whisper reached his ears, "Gil?"  
Gil didn't react. Matt shifted just slightly again. he could feel Matt tremble, he was about to open his eyes to check he was okay when he felt something soft brush his lips.  
the shock caused Gil eyes to fly open. Ruby eyes met violet ones in mutual shock. Then before he could utter a single word, Matts face turned bright red and he flew from the bed and out the door.  
"Matt wait!" Gil sat up and brought brought a hand to his lips in disbelief. He heard the bathroom door click. shit...  
Gil climbed out of bed and quickly walked down the hall. He knocked on the door. Shit what was he suppose to say to all this?

~~~~~

Matt leaned against the bathroom door with his head in his hands. What the hell was he doing?! Gil was his friend. You don't just kiss your friends. He gave a dark chuckle. Unless your drunk, that is. Gil never showed interest in him other then that one drunken night in college. Gil had come back from the bar rambling like a moron and tried, if you could call it that, to seduce him.  
Ugh... he couldn't stay here. He wrecked the safe place he found for himself, and why?! He had woken up that morning, feeling so safe, so warm and Gil... His hero Gil looked almost... Beautiful? Everything looked soft about him. His skin, his hair, his expression. He felt drawn to touch the hair. It was like Silk... Then he saw a tiny twitch one corner of his mouth.. His mouth looked soft... Warm.. Inviting. He checked to make sure he was asleep... So stupid!  
This can't have been healthy... It had been what? Three weeks? His head spun and he started to sob. Between his stupid actions and the thoughts of Al... Then a knock at the door. He couldn't face him.  
"Matt open the door please." the voice was flat  
Was he mad? Oh god! He must be mad... Matt was intruding in his house, causing him all kinds of trouble, costing money, even disturbing his work and sleep then he added this!  
"I'm sorry" Matt sobbed, he wouldn't open the door. His voice was a bit louder "I'm sorry Gil. Don't worry... I'll go. I c-can find some where else to s-stay. I'm sorry!"  
now a more Gil-ish animated voice answered. "What the fuck? Matt I don't know what the hell you're rambling on about but open the goddamn door. " He paused for a minute then sighed still a slightly irritated tone. "Please?"  
This was Gils house... He couldn't hide forever.. It was Saturday, he didn't even work today. Matt groaned as he looked over his situation. It wasn't like Gil would hit him, but he was so mortified! Time to be an adult Matthew, he scolded himself.  
Standing up he let his blonde hair fall in front of his face. His eyes were glued on the floor, and his face burned. Shakily, he opened the door for Gil to come in. Half hidden behind it, he watched Gils feet as he came in the bathroom. Stepping away from the door he sighed and wrapped him arms around himself "I'm sor-"  
"Save it Matt. Why do you want to leave?" Gil almost snapped. if he had looked up he would have seen hurt and confusion.  
This was humiliating. "Because... I.. You've given too much already Gil. I've taken up your time, you saved my life and I've just kept being a burden... And now I've made you uncomfortable... I mean, I know It was weird okay? I don't even know why.. I just... You just.. " Matts breathing started to hitch. The sobbing was going to start again.  
Gil made an irritated noise "You moron."  
Matt didn't have time to flinch before he felt strong arms wrap around him. One around his waist, the other behind his shoulders. "I wish i didn't keep having to tell you Matt.. You'll never be a burden to me okay? "Matt put his hands on Gils chest and nodded quietly against him.  
" You're important to me... You're my best friend and... " Gil trailed off. Shit.. What was he doing... he didn't want to scare Matt off... There would be no turning back from this, but... If he let another chance slip through his fingers he would never forgive himself.  
Gil pulled back slightly. The arm around Matts shoulder moved to his face, while the one on his back stayed in place. Gils fingers caught Matts chin tiling his head up to look into the tear filled purple pools. His throat was dry from nerves. Shit what should he say! He better say it quick! Fucking think moron! This is not awesome! "You could never make me uncomfortable Matt." He ducked his head pressing his lips to Matts gently.  
Matt didn't move... Oh fuck... He fucked this up. Gil was about to pull away when he felt Matt kissing him back. Shaky hands moved around the back of Gils neck and Matt pushed against his kiss. Nothing existed in that moment for Gil. Nothing except Matt. His arms wrapped up around the back Gils neck, Matts chest against his separated only by the thin Tshirt Matt wore, The warmth radiating from him, and subtle wet from tears that had been on his cheeks. Then of course his soft, slow moving lips. Gils hand moved to feel the soft red blonde locks, completely lost in the moment in time.  
Gil wanted to protest when Matt pulled back slightly, their foreheads touched and he heard Matt take a slow shaky breath. Gil stood happily soaking up the moment. Matt kissed him... He prayed his wasn't dreaming. Gil opened his eyes and pulled back to look at Matts face. Matts eyes hadn't opened yet. A blush still across his cheeks.  
"You have no idea" Gil kissed Matts forehead and watched the purple eyes open. "How long I've wanted to do that..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut. just smut and fluff ended with angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter! I've been packing 2 chapters into 1 for this, but the flow needed a cut off at a certain point. soooooo

The two had moved clumsily down the hallway. Both desperately clinging to the other in passion. They reached the bedroom and Matt fell against the door frame pulling Gil against him. The albino moved to Matts throat littering gentle kisses from behind his ear all the way down to the curve joining his shoulder.  
Fingers moved under Matts shirt and Gil pulled back lifting it off the blondes body and tossing it. It was in the way. He wanted to feel every part of that soft skin. His mouth hunger returned to Matts shoulder. Biting just hard enough to pull a broken and lustful moan. Gil smirked as he trailed further leaving a line of kisses and bites along Matts chest. Stopping only to flick his tongue over the blondes erect nipple.  
Matts hands ran over the pale skin and up to tangle themselves in the snowy hair. he watched as Gils teasing decent reached his stomach. Matt groaned and leaned his head back against the wall his eyes closed and teeth on edge. It tickled but it felt so damn good! A gasp left his lips and he mewled Gils name as he felt the tongue tease just above his low slung sweat pants.  
Gil smirked up at the blonde. he stood up again, pale hands pinning Matts against the frame. The beginning of a small sound of protest escaped Matts lips onto to be cut off by Gils hot mouth on his. Matt melted into the kiss left breathless as Gil moved to his ear and murmured "You make beautiful sounds. I wonder how many more I can cause?".  
Gils hands moved down swiftly and hooked under Matts thighs and lifted the smaller man. He waited as Matt wrapped his arms around the albinos neck, his legs hooked around his waist and his face buried against Gils neck. When he was certain he wasn't going to fall Gil pulled him back from the wall. one hand under Matts ass while the other moved to his back. He moaned at the sucking that had started on his neck.  
walking to the bed he sat with Matt on his lap. His hands moved to guild the others lips to his own. his tongue invading Matts mouth. a hand trailed down and brushed the smaller mans arousal. A whimper was let go into his mouth before Matts mouth presses harder against his. the sound was too much. Gil pulled back and flipped Matt onto his back on the mattress. He crawled between the still dressed legs to place a soft kiss on Matts lips before he yanked the younger mans pants down.  
Backing off Gil discarded Matts pants and boxers letting them fall where ever. His eyes took it in greedily. Smooth milky thighs. lightly defined chest and abs. his eyebrows shot up in pleasant surprise, considerable length, pink and uncut. Gil groaned in appreciation. He was about to crawl back on the bed to the blushing blonde before him when Matt sat up. Without even a pause, the red faced man hooked his pants pulling them down.  
Matt gazed up smirking (blush still on his face) at the lack of underwear. Gil was rock hard, precum already leaking. Matt licked his lips and leaned forward. His tongue barley touched the tip but Gil gasped and groaned. Matt smiled and took Gils head between his lips. he swirled his tongue around the sensitive member "Oh god Matt!" came the moan from above him and he bobbed down.  
Gil was panting. His hands gently resting on Matts hair as he felt fire everywhere. Matts hands on his hips, the delicious feeling on the mouth on him... But he needed to stop him, he was getting too close. Groaning he pulled back and swooped down to kiss Matts now free mouth.  
Without breaking his hold on Matts lips he pushed him back to the bed. He leaned over him positioned between Matts soft thighs. His hand traced down wrapping around Matts length and pumping slowly. Matt groaned and pushed Gil back out of the kiss moving to his ear. Teeth nibbling lightly on Gils lobe, Matt whispered with an edge of pleading. " Gil, please fuck me. Now"  
Gils head spun, his stomach knotted and he let out a growl. Reluctantly taking his hands off the blonde, Gil reached beside the bed he opened a drawer and grabbed a bottle of lube. He slicked his fingers and positioned him self between Matts legs. He gently inserted the first finger past the ring of muscles. Matt took a sharp shaky intake of breath followed by a moan. Gil smirked and moved his finger slowly adding a second, then a third. All while watching the blonde squirm and moan under him. angling his fingers just right be brushed against the sweet spot. Matts eyes flew open and his back arched as he breathed out his name.  
Gil withdrew his fingers and grabbed the lube again. He raised an eyebrow in question and was met with a frantic nod. Gil slicked his arousal and positioned it at Matts entrance. He entered slowly watching as Matts shoulders rolled back. It didn't take long for him to adjust. Gil started with a slow pace, his hand pumping on Matts erection to the same rhythm. his eyes soaked in the image of Matt below him. His chest rising and falling quickly, red gold curls stuck to his forehead and spread over the pillow, hands on Gils biceps , nails digging in. His violet eyes half lidded and completely lost in ecstasy. Gils pace picked up.  
Both men were gasping and moaning each others names along with cursing and praising deities in several languages. Matt was uncharacteristically loud and it spurred Gil on. Pulling those sounds from Matt was making his head spin. Every move of their hips brought them closer and closer finally Matt half yelled "Gil I'm gonna.." the end of his sentence lost on a moan. Gil buried his face against Matts chest as both men found release together. Sticky wetness joining the sweat that soaked them both.  
Gil stayed in the position for a moment as they caught their breath. then he rolled off the small blonde before pulling him against his chest. Matts arms went around Gils torso and his head rested against his chest listening to the rapidly pounding heart. Gil placed a kiss on the blonde curls and whispered "I love you Matt" before he promptly passed out. Matt still foggy hummed and followed suit, falling asleep.

~~~~

Not long after, Matts eyes flew open. It was as if the words Gil had muttered half asleep had just been said. Gil what? Fuck... This was a bad idea. Matts mind started to race. Way too soon... He was still married...Oh god one of them was going to get hurt, what if Al found out. What if Gil knew he was thinking all this. Matt quietly slunk out of the bed and went to the bathroom. He needed to think... and clean up.  
The shower cleaned him, but it did not stop his mind from racing. Matt paced back to his room in his towel. he was grabbing some clothing when his phone rang.  
maybe it was because he was so distracted deep in thought. Maybe he knew who was on the other end. maybe he was feeling too guilty to care. He answered without looking at the ID.  
"Hello?"  
"M-Mattie!? You picked up! " a familiar voice squeaked. Als words became panicked and rushed "Mattie please, you have to listen to me baby, just let me explain! Come meet me for coffee and we can talk. Please Mattie I'm going nuts without you."  
Regardless of possible excuses for him picking up the phone. There wasn't much to be said in his defense of the next word that came out of his mouth.  
"okay".


	5. Chapter 5

Gil woke up with a smile on his face. His ruby eyes opened slowly as he turned his head to look at Matt.. But he wasn't there? His brow furrowed. Maybe he was in the bathroom? Gil sat up stretching, joy was racing through his whole body. Pulling his knees up, he wrapped his arms around them. Placing his chin on top he went over the memory again, his eyes misted over slightly. Matt tasted so sweet, the smell of his hair, the feel of his- Hold up. Gil had glanced over at the empty side of the bed. There was a note on the pillow.  
Dear Gil  
I have a few things I need to figure out, I think we may have rushed this a bit. I just need to think things through. Can you give me time to do that? I'm really sorry I didn't wake you up to tell you, but I don't think I could have gotten it out to be honest. I'll give you a call later okay?  
\- Matthew  
Gil stared at the paper blankly. He read it over and over hoping the words would change. Setting the letter down Gil stood up numbly, grabbed his phone, and walked out of the bedroom. Knowing full well what he'd find, he headed for the guest room. As he suspected, all of Matts things were gone. Gil slid down the wall and sat on the floor. His hands went to his hair and he stared at the floor. no tears, not yelling, just staring. Gil sat there just waiting and hoping for a call.

~~~~

Matt sat nervously in the coffee shop. This was a bad idea... He didn't think any of this through. He should of stayed at the house, he should have talked to Gil face to face. He definitely shouldn't be here, especially when no one knew he was here... He couldn't very well text Gil... His only other contacts were his parents, (they were out. he only saw them once a year and they had no clue about any of this.) or Francis. He sighed and typed a quick text.  
"Hey, I'm fine, just getting coffee with Al. "  
He pressed send and turned the phone to silent. He could play it off as a wrong number text. Francis had no clue what was going on, it wouldn't alarm him, but if anything happened... Matts eyes widened, the fact that he was thinking that way was proof he shouldn't be here... He was contemplating getting up and leaving now when the door opened letting a cold breeze blow Matts hair around. In he walked.  
Matts eyes looked over his coffee at Al. He looked rough. dark circles, a five o'clock shadow, his clothes were rumpled. His hair was a bit unkempt, but it just looked like his hands hadn't really left it alone. Als lips trembled as he fired off apologies and promises. Matt wasn't really listening, he looked back down at his coffee. His eyes wandered to his wrist, he still had very slight shadows of bruises from the more serious injuries, Als eyes kept flickering to the side of Matts face at the yellow tint.  
As if reading his mind Als hand rose to try and touch Matts face gingerly. Matt jerked back away from the hand, eyes wide open. Tears and shame filled Als eyes as he dropped his hand and his head.  
"Mattie... I don't know why I keep doing this... You have to believe that I never wanted to do that kind of damage.. Any kind of damage "  
Matt didn't know what to say. He would usually say It's okay, but it wasn't was it?  
"If you want to see the fucking damage you did" a cold familiar voice came from behind Matt making him tense slightly "You should look at this douche"  
A small pile of photos from the hospital of Matts injuries hit the table. They spread themselves in front of Al. His eyes widened in shock at the sick bruises and swelling that had taken over Matts face and torso. Matt cringed catching sight of the ugly purple that had covered a good portion of his face. then he looked up into the angry red eyes behind him. "Hey Gil" he said weakly  
"Up Matt. I understand if you don't want to stay with me for a few days... Or however long... But this? This is fucking stupid. Totally not awesome."  
Matt wasn't sure if he should be irritated at being ordered around, guilty for even being here after last night, or simply relieved for the rescue. He stood but didn't move. He looked down into the tear filled sky blue eyes sadly.  
"Al, you know I love you... But If you love me, you'll understand that I can't come back to you. Those photos... That night I kept blaming myself. Wondering what I did wrong. It took a while to understand, this wasn't my fault. We're not healthy for each other... Goodbye Al."  
Al just looked up, tears running down his face. He watched Matt turn and be lead out the door by Gilbert. His face fell to his arms as he sobbed over the pictures they had left.

~~~~~

Unbeknownst to Matt, Gil had phoned Francis. He was hoping that was Matts next stop. If he at least knew he was safe, that was something. When Francis explained explained the text he got Gil hadn't wasted time. He hung up on the very confused Francis (Poor guy felt so out of the loop these days) and gathered the photos and his coat. He went to three different coffee shops until he found them. Matt may not want to face things with him right now, but he wasn't about to stand back and watch that ass face win him back so he could finish the job.  
The car ride away form the coffee shop was quiet. Gil had ignored Matts truck in favour of his car. they drove through town without music. Matt looking at his lap and Gil looking at the road. Finally they came to a quiet road and Gil pulled over. "Where am I taking you Matt? I can get West to help me move your truck later. " his voice was hard. Matt could hear him hiding the pain behind it.  
Matts eyes shifted to the side, He looked up at Gil through soft blonde waves. The albinos posture was stiff, his knuckles were white holding the steering wheel. He hadn't noticed the red around his eyes, or the moisture still there. Matt felt like shit.  
"Can I come back to your place?" he asked in a tiny voice. He still needed to think things out, but maybe he was too hasty in his departure.  
Gil threw the car into drive and turned right headed for his house. Matt used the time to look out the window and think. Could he do this? It wasn't a case of if he wanted Gil. He did. It wasn't just looks. Matts eyes slid over to the driver in the tight black shirt. though he definitely had the looks. It was more about Gil himself. He had known him for all those years, their personalities already melded well. If they fought neither fought dirty, and it never lasted long, they could easily joke, knew each others quirks (Matts obsession with everything maple flavoured and Gils dedication to little yellow birds on anything he could put them on) and pet peeves (Gil hated if people left cupboard doors open, while Matt had a thing about table manners). They had lived together for three years in college. But the last three weeks gave Matt even more reasons.  
Gil had jumped to the rescue in a flash. He was careful with conversation when he knew Matt could hear. When he didn't know Matt could hear he was furious about the situation, he had talked his brothers ear off for an hour one night. After a week at his house, Gil had gone to open a beer. Matt had unintentionally flinched, and Gil noticing, promptly poured it down the sink and grabbed water instead. Every nightmare he had been there for, the crying he listened to endlessly, the constant reassurance...  
But, could Matt be enough for him? He was broken. He flinched at everything these days. He had no job, no money, no self esteem. He was littered in bruises and scars. He had no idea how he was going to handle anything. Hell! Matt was still married, if only on paper. Gil deserved better then this right? He should have someone whole. Someone who won't wake up sobbing in the middle of the night, or who's on the verge of tears from the slightest argument. What if he flinched when Gil touched him? What if he started sobbing over everything that happened and Gil still had to watch him crumble over another man? What would people say?  
But Gil had said... He loved him... Matt wasn't there yet... Was it okay? Was Matt even allowed to be happy yet?  
He jumped when he noticed they were at Gils place already. He sighed. okay Matthew, time to get it together. You owe him a conversation.

~~~~

The walk up the drive may as well have been a death march. Matts stomach was in knots. What on earth could he say to fix any of this. he closed the door behind them and took a breath.  
"I didn't mean to worry you today. I just wanted to set him straight..."  
"I get that Matt"... Gil eyes were full of hurt and anger "But you could have taken me. You could have been safe! It was so reckless!" He closed his eyes and breathed. "you could have at least told me, before running off and leaving the damn note. " He turned around trying to keep his breathing steady. "We could have just talked about things..." the pain showed through his voice.  
"Gil.. I'm sorry.. I just... I don't..." Matt scrambled for words. Gil was in the kitchen with his back to the blonde.  
He watched as Gil heaved a sigh "It's fine Matt. I get it. You got caught up in the awesome me this morning and made a mistake. No hard feelings." Gils hands shaking said there were hard feelings.  
his voice was barely louder then a whisper. "I don't think this morning was a mistake..."  
Gil was silent, but the shaking had stopped.  
"I just... I got freaked out. My feelings for you are kinda new to me... I shouldn't have ran off."  
He watched the albinos shoulders relax slightly  
"It's just, you're... No.. Not you.. Me... I'm-"  
a chuckle "fuck. It's not you, it's me? Really Matt?"  
Matts face burned. "Are you going to shut up and let me get through this?!" he snapped. Gil turned with a small 'sorry-but-you-kinda-know-I'm-an-ass' smile.  
Matts head dropped, his gaze fixed on his shoes "I'm damaged Gil. I've got so much baggage it's a miracle I can stand. You shouldn't have to have someone who's going to cry constantly, or wake up screaming, or flinches at stupid shit. You deserve someone who's not going to be a headache." tears welled in his eyes, " You're going to figure that out. You'll be okay for a while, but soon it's all going to catch up and you'll realize I'm not what you thought I was. I don't want to lose you all together Gil... "  
Matt couldn't look up. He heard a heavy sigh. Matt guessed he made sense. His heart ached a bit...  
"So, let me get this straight." he heard Gils foot steps slowly approaching "You think, I deserve better then you, because some asshole treated you like shit and that's somehow made you less worthy?"  
A hand brought his chin up. Matt looked into warm crimson eyes. "I think" Gil kissed the tears off of one cheek. "That is the most" he moved to do the same to the other "stupid thing you have ever said" Gils lips brushed gently over Matts.  
"we don't have to rush anything Mattie. We'll take it as slow as you want. If you want to move back into the spare room, you can. I'll take you on dates, I'll bring you flowers, We'll wait to sleep together for as long as you need."  
Red eyes looked into his seriously for a moment. "Let me ask this. Forgetting all the stupid 'I'm not good enough' Bullshit. Do you want to be with me? I'm not asking if you love me, or if you know you want to be with me forever. But right now, do you want to be with me?"  
Matt thought for a second and his throat swelled. He smiled weakly and nodded.  
"Well then birdie," warm arms wrapped around him " I don't see a problem."  
Matt frowned slightly "Birdie?"  
Gil chuckled "Like it? "  
Matt pulled back to look up at him without leaving his arms completely"I don't get it"  
Gil was blushing slightly but his smile never faded. A hand went to the back of his head and he chuckled. "Matt I've wanted you since I met you. I don't say this to freak you out, really I know this is new for you and I totally respect it, but," he brought his eyebrows together in uncertainty " I fell in love with you back in college. Then you met Al.." he trailed off and shrugged "Francis told me when it happened, 'If you love something let it go, If it comes back to you, It's yours.' It made me think of birds, which are awesome, so I decided if I ever did get you, I was going to call you my Birdie. I mean, you're quiet, when you run or skate you look like you're flying, and your hair is golden, just like my little chicks, totally awesome right?" he gave Matt a wink.  
Matt chuckled while his blush crept into his hair and his heart fluttered."You're so weird Gil."  
Gil grinned. "Weirdly awesome".  
Matt smiled and pulled him closer their lips joining effortlessly. Gils arms slid back around his waist, and his arms reached up to wrap around the back of Gils neck.  
It was a peaceful moment full of bliss. Bliss that was quickly shattered when the front door was swung open.  
"I fucking knew it! I knew you left for him! You've been screwing my Mattie this whole time weren't you?! I was right wasn't I?! "  
Gil slowly turned towards the furious Al who had just come crashing into his house. His hands were raised and he stood in front of Matt. The barrel of a pistol staring at him.  
"You got this all wrong Albert"  
"My fucking name if Alfred, Jack face! Shut the fuck up before I shoot you!"  
"Al please... " Matt squeaked "Please put it down, just lets talk about this..."  
Als face softened a bit when he looked at the fear in Matts face. He hesitated with the gun but kept it pointed  
"Please baby you gotta come back! I Miss you so much! I'm gonna go get help this time, everything is going to be better okay? I'm never going to hurt you again, you just gotta listen to me please!"  
Matt shifted around in front of Gil ignoring the pleading and fear in the ruby eyes. and took a slow step towards Al "Baby... Can you put down the gun please? We can talk then okay? Y-your scaring me..."  
Al looked like he was about to back down "No! If i put it down he's just going to come after me and you'll never listen! God Mattie you never listen! You just need to come home now. We can work past all this. I'll go to rehab and you can stop talking to this jerk off!" a look of hatred entered his eyes as he retrained the gun on the albino.  
Matt tried again "Al, look, I'm listening okay? I'm right here and I'm listening. " he put his hands up trying to get Al to concentrate on him.  
"No! No, none of this is right! Why is this so wrong?!"  
"Al please.. Please calm down, your scaring me..."  
"All i ever do is scare you! How did I start scaring you! You stopped looking at me like you use to... Oh god... How did I let this happen... And then he swoops in! I should have kicked his ass back then, when i found out he wanted you in the first place! But I scared you away.. I scared my little Mattie away." tears flowed from the beautiful sky blue eyes.  
"Al please!"  
Al pointed the gun. Gils eyes widened and he grabbed Matts hand pulling him back behind him.  
"No please Al!" Matt cried reaching out  
"Alfred! don't!" Gil pleaded eyes full of panic.  
"I'm sorry.." Al sobbed. closing his eyes as he pulled the trigger  
Bang.


	6. epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this I cried, I've had people tell me It made them cry... so warning... could cause salty liquids to leak from your seeing circles!

It was 6 months later. The snow had melted and the flowers were all starting to bloom. In a grave yard stood a blonde man in a red coat. The once white shoes he wore, were covered in mud from the soft earth. His shoulders were low and his eyes were focused on a dark slab of marble that stuck up out of the ground like so many others around it. Sadness and exhaustion echoed in those violet eyes.  
Matthew held the flowers in his hands. White tulips, forget-me-nots and lilacs. Tears shined on his face. Kneeling down he placed them on the grave. "I'm sorry... I can't stay here anymore... Just being around this town brings up too much..."  
His fingers reached out to touch the cold marble, tracing the words engraved. His heart ached as he read the inscription he had written for the head stone.  
'Dutiful son, Loving husband, Good man'  
"I miss you Al..." A tear fell to the ground as Matt closed his eyes. The memories flooded back. the light leave those beautiful sky blue eyes. the violent splash of red that covered the living room. the sound of the gun clattering on the floor. the awful screaming the he hadn't even realized at the time, had come from him. the pain in his chest as his heart stopped, the tightness of Gils arms around him as he held him back.  
Al had been his first love. He wasn't perfect. He had become another person in the last year of his life. Matt chose to remember him how he was before that. The sweet boy who had kissed him in the coffee shop, who walked him home, who trusted him so fully that first time in the dorms, who charmed his parents and who had loved him the best way he knew. He thought of the soft touches and loving words. Matt mourned for that man. He took a shaky breath.  
Just then a gentle hand laid on his shoulder. Knowing who it was Matts hand reached up to grab it and hold tight. "Birdie? The moving truck is waiting for us..." Matt nodded. He and Gil needed to start driving now if they were going to make it to the new house by Sunday.  
"Just one more minute" his voice was tight.  
After the incident Matt and Gil both wound up with houses that they couldn't stand to be in. Too many awful memories haunted those houses... They had rented an apartment together for a while while they sold off the houses. Matt would have rented alone, but Gil knew he couldn't be alone.  
The tragedy should have driven them apart. Matt had broken down. He sobbed and refused to eat for days. He cried for Al and screamed, throwing things in anger when Al wasn't there. Matt fully expected Gil to give up and leave. But he was there through it all, he held him, stroked his hair, kissed away tears.  
Never a bad word left Gils lips. Even when Matt would sob into his chest for Al apologizing to a man who couldn't hear him, saying he loved him. Gil would just hold him closer and whispered "He knows you love him, he loved you too birdie". If Matt got mad and lashed out, Gil was there. He would talk Matt down and just stay with him until the blonde stopped crying.  
It took four months after Als death for Matt to finally realize he was in love with the stubborn, sweet, unmovable albino. His voice had shook "Gil? " the red eyes were surrounded by dark circles. Another night of nightmares from Matt had kept him up. "I'm sorry, for all the trouble I've been causing. I know, It must seem like I don't care sometimes.. But.. I wanted to tell you..." his cheeks burned and his heart ached. "I love you."  
Gil had smiled and wrapped his arms around Matt "Of course you do, I'm awesome" Earning a laugh from the blonde he squeezed tighter and whispered in his ear "I love you too birdie"  
It was shortly after that they decided it was best to buy a house in another part of the country. They decided to go south. The new house was a two day drive from the place where Al was now buried. Matt hated leaving him here.. but for his own sanity and for Gils sake, he had to let go. They had both secured jobs in the new town they were settling in. It was a fresh start.  
Wiping tears away Matt stood and turned away from the grave of a man he use to love, towards the man he loved now. He gave a shaky smile "I'm ready".  
Gil smiled and kissed Matt gently, then wrapping his arm around Matts shoulder he lead him back to the truck, and off to start their lives together.


End file.
